Bruno Mars – 24K Magic

The time has come. After what feels like a million years of Bruno drought, listening to ‘Treasure’ on repeat and praying for new music, the Great Bruno Mars Depression is over. He’s back. Bruno Mars, the World Record holder for Smallest Human Being to Ever Grace Our Planet (probably, not 100% sure but, like, if it’s anyone it’s him) has #blessed us with 33 minutes and 28 seconds of pure liquid gold in the form of new album ‘24K Magic’. And, let me tell you, it’s GOOD. Possibly the best thing to come out of Bruno Mars’ existence since that photo of him looking like an actual gremlin stood next to Taylor Swift, even.The album opens with title track ‘24K Magic’. A banger. Arguably the most bangingest banger to have ever banged. We have reached peak banger. Nothing will ever bang this hard again. Music is cancelled forever because Bruno Mars has won. Never before did I imagine the phrase “PUT YOUR PINKY FINGER TO THE MOOON” could mean so much to me, but here I am, in the Year of Our Lord 2016, smiling through the tears and throwing my little finger up to the heavens as a symbol of pure exultation. #Blessed.

There’s lots of other great tracks in there too. Not, like 24K Magic level good (obviously, because nothing is or ever will be ever again), but still very good. Namely ‘Perm’, which is essentially three and a half minutes of Bruno being That Guy on a night out who keeps trying to buy you blue WKDs on the two-for-a-fiver deal at Yates and grinding on you when he thinks you won’t notice, but over a banging instrumental so I guess it’s kind of forgivable, maybe? ‘That’s What I Like’ and penultimate track ‘Finesse’ are also worth mentioning- smooth, seductive, groovy, but also still banging- a balance that I strive to achieve in all areas of my life.

Obviously there’s the token slow songs on there, with ‘Calling All My Lovelies’, essentially a year 7 MSN break-up in song form and ‘Too Good to Say Goodbye’, accurately summing up how I feel about this album ending, bringing the album to a close. They’re OK. I guess Bruno was understandably tired from pumping out banger after banger by this point. I still throw my pinky finger to the moon to these, but in a reserved and respectful manner. It’s what Bruno would have wanted.

Seriously though, this album bangs. Hard. More than words can accurately express. If you do anything today, listen to this album, dance around your room to it, and throw Bruno a pinky finger salute while you do so.

 Bruno Mars – 24K Magic = 8/10 

Katie Hayes